Sunny Rae Rex Art

Married and Bi

Rejecting Unicorn Hunting –
A Call for Authentic Connections

Introduction

Married and Bisexual is a vibrant community for married bisexual folks, especially women, to connect, share, and live authentically. We reject societal pressures that force us into rigid molds, like hiding our bisexuality to fit heteronormative expectations. Instead, we celebrate our identities and build relationships grounded in mutual respect, consent, and autonomy. This article tackles the mostly toxic practice of unicorn hunting, a harmful dynamic that objectifies bisexual women and undermines ethical non-monogamy. We aim to shed light on its issues, respect those who identify as “unicorns,” and champion diverse, empowering relationship styles that honor everyone’s agency.

Understanding Bi-Erasure

Bi-erasure — the dismissal or invalidation of bisexuality—creates a world where bisexual people struggle to claim their identity. About 80% of bisexuals are in straight relationships, often concealing their attraction to multiple genders due to societal pressure to appear “straight.” Many bisexual people assume everyone feels multi-gender attraction but they “choose” one side, mistakenly believing they’re straight. Even within the LGBTQ+ community, bisexuality is sometimes rejected, with calls to “pick a side.” This fuels stereotypes, sexualization, and fetishization, making it harder for bisexuals—especially women—to live authentically. By addressing bi-erasure, we pave the way for relationships that celebrate our true selves, free from judgment or objectification.

What Is Unicorn Hunting?

Unicorn hunting occurs when an established couple—typically a straight man and a bi woman—seeks a third partner, often a bisexual woman, to join their relationship, either for a committed triad or casual swinging. The “unicorn” is usually expected to equally love and engage with both partners, often only as a unit, to preserve the couple’s existing dynamic. This setup prioritizes the couple’s needs, assuming control over interactions will manage jealousy or insecurity. It leads to the unicorn feeling used and abused. The term “unicorn” implies rarity and objectification, reducing a person to a fantasy role rather than acknowledging their desires and autonomy. On dating apps, couple accounts seeking a “third” can mislead users, sometimes hiding their intent until later, leading to hurt and mistrust.

The Problem with Unicorn Hunting

Unicorn hunting often involves rigid expectations, like requiring the third to fit perfectly into the couple’s pre-set rules, such as engaging only together or avoiding outside relationships (a misuse of “polyfidelity”). This leaves the “unicorn” feeling like an accessory, not a valued partner. The dynamic is frequently tied to the One Penis Policy (OPP), where the man permits his partner to explore relationships with women but not men, sometimes while pursuing women himself. The OPP devalues same-sex relationships, limits autonomy, and can reflect insecurities or transphobia—where do trans individuals fit in such rules? These practices reinforce toxic heteronormative biases and the notion that men own women and control their desires, undermining equitable connections.

Some People like this

Some people like to be used. Thats fine. Some people enjoy being unicorn hunted If someone is going to engage in unicorn hunting activity, they need to do it in a way where they get MEGA SUPER CONSENT before doing so. Unicorn hunting is basically power exchange, so everyone needs to follow whatever anagram of safety they decide to follow for bdsm stuff, and discuss whats ok, and hard and soft limits, and how they are gonna safe word themself to safety if they start to feel unsafe.

Key Issues

Ethical Triads: Building Authentic Connections

Ethical triads should form naturally through mutual respect and consent, not force. They rely on:

Beyond Triads: Diverse Polycules

Polyamory offers varied structures, all rooted in communication and consent:

V-Shaped Relationship Diagram

Respecting “Unicorns”

Conclusion

Ethical non-monogamy invites us to explore love beyond societal norms, but adding a “third” requires questioning outdated gender and sexuality beliefs. Authentic connections thrive on communication, respect, and autonomy, creating spaces where everyone’s agency is celebrated. Ethical triads, formed organically, contrast with relational unicorn hunting’s toxicity. As married bi women, we reject objectification, championing environments where our true selves are cherished. Together, we build a community thriving on mutual respect and the boundless possibilities of ethical non-monogamy, supported by resources that empower and educate without toxicity.

Glossary: Ethical Non-Monogamy Terms